Because I'm tired. I need a break. Staying home this past year has been the hardest, busiest, most jam-packed time I've had in ages.
I LOVE being home with my girls and being available for Emil but there is NEVER and I mean NEVER a moment of downtime. From the minute I wake up (8:30-ish) until I go to bed (2 am-ish) it is non stop go go go.
I honestly cannot keep up this pace. I'm one person and I'm exhausted. I've been saying for months I need a job. I want a job. But I want it to be the right job. I hope I have found it.
Today was a perfect example of exactly why I am so tired...
6:30 am-wake up
7:00-7:45 invoicing/paperwork 7:45-8:00 shower
8:15-9:15 take mom to have her car worked on
9:15-3:45 out of town/working
3:50-5:45 sonic w/ girls & park
5:53-7:45 take mom to pick up her car/go to HEB pick up sushi
8:30-now (10:19) watch American Idol/doze off/ wash face/ bed
And I'm sick. Fever. Cough. Runny nose. Feel crappy. And today was the rare day that ended early.
Today will be the third day in almost two years that I will be in bed for the night on the same day I woke up.
It's breaking my heart to leave my girls, and they are big now, but just knowing I won't be here with them when they wake up is killing me. Lena asked me today who is going to have her coffee waiting for her when she starts her school work. She said, "You even know which shelf in the 'frig to put it on." CC said she's going to miss that we can get up and go and do what we need/want to do whenever we need/want to do it and that we don't have to rush back, we can take our time and look around. I think for me that will be hard too. We can get to the mall around 8, walk around til closing at 9, go to the bookstore or Starbucks til 11, drive around, rent some movies or clean until midnight or later. I had time to do those things and I won't now and that will be hard. I hate that I won't be available to them 24 hours a day anymore.
I hope that the time I will be available to them, after work, I will be more energized, less tired and stressed and able to enjoy what ever it is we do together.
I hope our weekends won't be wasted with each of us in different rooms doing our own thing. I hope we will cherish my time at home even more so.
I hope I am making the right choice.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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