Tuesday, January 29, 2013

The Cold Has Passed......

The cold weather we were having here has finally subsided. 
The past few days have been in the 70's-80's and I must say I am not upset.
I used to think that I wanted to live somewhere that had snow, ice, seasons.
While I do still wish we had seasons, the snow and ice are long gone from my want list.
I receive call after call of slip and side, snow bank collisions, icy patches and ice dams...
No, thank you. Texas weather is fine with me. 
I can't help but think that Mom would be pretty upset that we are having summer like temperatures so early in the year. I guess it's just to be expected.
I finally made my way to Texas A&M here. Finally, in the sense that I am now an adult with children and am just now getting there and finally in the sense that it was on the complete other side of town and I thought I would never find it. 
The campus is out in the middle of nowhere. There were lots of cattle and horses.
I absolutely loved it!
Buildings are still going up. It's going to be really nice.
I loved the tiles inside.
I have a thing for tiles.
Old. Hand painted. Mexican. Artistic. Tiles.
Love them! 

I just happened to look down and pay attention to the morning dew that was left behind before the sun took it away. It was so fresh and so clean and so pretty. It made me yearn for spring. 
I just HATE what follows spring. Hot, humid Texas heat. 
Charlie and I have gotten a lot of snuggle time in. 
Lately he has been attached to hip more so than usual. 
And I finally received my bracelet in the mail. Thank goodness. 
I thought THAT would never come.
Now I just need to find something pretty to wear it with. 
Mom has been heavy on my mind lately. Her birthday is two days away, Jan 31. She would have been 67.
I miss her so much. Some days it still doesn't seem real that she is not here. 
I picked up my phone the other day to just text her and ask her how she's been because it's been a while since we talked. Then I remembered that she won't be replying. 
I still haven't disconnected her line. 
I can't.
I just wish more than anything she would have had a voicemail set up.
It's odd to think just a year ago we were at the rodeo together and she was walking around and laughing fine.
She found a taco stand and enjoyed a taco there.
We had fun.
She sprinted through the cattle area. She hated the smell.
And now?
Now that is all just memories.
A moment in time forever gone.
What would have I done or said differently if I would have known just four short months later she would be dead?
I think I would have focused too much on my pain and how much I knew I would miss her that I wouldn't have made any memories with her. 
Maybe it's better that it happened the way it did. 
Who knows?
I know everyday is survived through prayer, asking for strength to make through the day. Pray to get through the hurt of missing her.
I know she was worried how I would make it without her.
She told me many times.
Often I want to lay in my bed and wallow in my mourning.
But I know she wouldn't want that. 
That is exactly what she wouldn't want.
So I don't do it.
Occasionally, though, I do break down.
I guess I just miss my mama.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013


I always complain that Texas never gets cold.
Well, Texas is proving me wrong the past few days...
it is cold!!
and this weather is bringing out my obsessions...
like Winter nails. 
I. Must.Do.This....
and these nails.... 
my word!!!
i NEED them... 
And the girls and I have been having our fair share of Starbucks...
I love warm coffee and lattes on cold chilly days... 
and I can finally bring out my scarfs...
this could possibly be my favorite thing about the weather turning cold. 
and how perfect would it be to be wrapped in a warm scarf and sipping a cafe latte
at a charming cafe like this.... 
and for a GREAT read... i have been helplessly addicted to a new blog I've found
It'ss written by the fabulous Ella Coquine.
I haven't been able to stop reading...start at day one and continue clicking through Ella's present..

And much to my girls dismay I have had this song stuck in my head the past few days....
I have French Cafe on my Pandora list of stations.
One day this song came on. I fell in love and purchased it immediately!
Devil Doll's Bourbon in Your Eyes...

Thursday, January 10, 2013

The time has come....

My days at home sick with the flu are over (thank goodness)! Happy to be feeling better, sad because I'm missing my girls too much already.

But there's work to be done. And I must go.

I have to take my doctors note in to the clinic to be cleared by them before I can enter the work area. Maybe they'll hear this cough and send me back home. But I have a car payment now, so that wouldn't be good. Oh well. Time to get back to my norm. Wonder what crazy stories I'll hear today!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Feeling Alive Again

Ahh, today....
I thought this day would never come.
I''m finally feeling back to myself again, a bit slower but almost April!
The flu really sucks!!

So after washing two loads of clothes, sweeping the house, chatting with sweet Sister Lassen, 
marinating Cod, washing dishes and cleaning my room,
I thought a sit down to peruse blogs was definitely in order! 
The rain started last night and continued through the morning. 
I absolutely LOVE staying home when it rains. 
Everything feels fresh and new and clean.
I just laid in bed, after Lena's online conference with her teacher, and listened to the rain falling through the leaves of our tree, occasionally hitting the window.
It was relaxing and it was nice and I fell back asleep until 12:30.
I need to break that habit fast! I go back to work Thursday! 
One thing I did manage to find was a bra sale online for my size bras...
Now, when you are this top heavy finding a bra is hard enough,
finding a pretty one...impossible!
But I did both! So, naturally I ordered 4!!
I decided to throw out all my old patched up ones
(when you're buying this size they are also EXPENSIVE!!)
CC found a good use for my old bra...
booty pads for the bottom heavy challenged!!
Yes, my daughter has issues! 
Last night Alabama played Notre Dame.
So, to celebrate the occasion we made red velvet cake with chocolate chips! 
It must have worked.....
the Crimson Tide won 42-14 over the "Crying" Irish!!
It was a good game....
sadly now, no more college football until the fall.
Can summer just hurry up and speed by?
I still have a somethings I need to do:
*arrange my mom's vintage and costume earrings
*put up shelves in my bathroom for hair products, lotions, etc 
*hang hooks for my necklaces
*hang my windchimes
*start Zumba again
All in time, I guess, all in time!

Monday, January 7, 2013

Changes - 2013

A week into the new year and I am just sitting down to write.
We spent our NYE at home. Emil rearranged the furniture in the bedroom, it feels like a hotel now.
I love it! It's so cozy in the mornings, the first light shining through the blinds is silver then later turns blue.

I started 2013 out with the flu. 
Apparently it's an epidemic this year. 
It's taken me quite a while to get over it. 
The fatigue still hasn't left me.
to me.....
Being sick and home from work has given me extra time to do things I normally don't have time to do.
Things like clear out my stack of 50+ magazines dating back to 2009.
I cut all the recipes out that I wanted and filed them away.

I also read a few stories in there that gave me some good ideas, a new outlook, if you will, on not only this new year but my life.
A particular article I read was about a lady that left an abusive relationship.
She said that once she made up her mind to break all ties, she felt such a release of burden,
she felt hope and found joy in little things.
I've been in an abusive relationship...
with myself.
I constantly tell myself I'm not good enough, pretty enough,
shapely enough, to do anything from wearing earrings 
to purchasing a pair of cute flats.

Well, that time is over.  
I know these negative thoughts swirling around in my head are just that, thoughts.
Thoughts can be changed.
I have to stop comparing myself to others 
and compare myself to the person I was yesterday. 
I am done putting myself down, thinking the worst of myself and convincing myself
that I don't deserve something, anything.
The truth is, I do deserve it.
I work hard, please my family and put others first.
I leave nothing for me.
I'm not saying I am going to become a selfish person, thinking only of myself.
No. But I will make time for myself, treat myself, appreciate myself. 
I have started to look for the positive in things. 
In fact, when I was at the doctor's office and these two kids were screaming and playing and yelling and dancing and running around like lunatics all the while I was battling fever, chills and a migraine, I looked for the positive. I thought of their laughter, their carefree happiness, the simplicity of life at that age.
I tried as long as I could to be positive and it lasted for a while.
But then the flu took over and I got aggravated.
and all I wanted to do was put my boot in their mouths and tell them to shut the hell up!
I mean really, jumping up and down on the tables in the dr's office, playing musical tables singing 
"la la la la....la la la la.... la la la LAAAAAAA" 
was really getting on every one's nerves.
Thankfully they called me back soon after!

here's to a new year.
I am so thankful to have 2012 behind us.
Losing my mom to cancer was the hardest thing I have ever been through
and it still hurts..
but it's a new year
and a new outlook
and I'm actually feeling excited to see what this new year brings!