Tuesday, January 29, 2013

The Cold Has Passed......

The cold weather we were having here has finally subsided. 
The past few days have been in the 70's-80's and I must say I am not upset.
I used to think that I wanted to live somewhere that had snow, ice, seasons.
While I do still wish we had seasons, the snow and ice are long gone from my want list.
I receive call after call of slip and side, snow bank collisions, icy patches and ice dams...
No, thank you. Texas weather is fine with me. 
I can't help but think that Mom would be pretty upset that we are having summer like temperatures so early in the year. I guess it's just to be expected.
I finally made my way to Texas A&M here. Finally, in the sense that I am now an adult with children and am just now getting there and finally in the sense that it was on the complete other side of town and I thought I would never find it. 
The campus is out in the middle of nowhere. There were lots of cattle and horses.
I absolutely loved it!
Buildings are still going up. It's going to be really nice.
I loved the tiles inside.
I have a thing for tiles.
Old. Hand painted. Mexican. Artistic. Tiles.
Love them! 

I just happened to look down and pay attention to the morning dew that was left behind before the sun took it away. It was so fresh and so clean and so pretty. It made me yearn for spring. 
I just HATE what follows spring. Hot, humid Texas heat. 
Charlie and I have gotten a lot of snuggle time in. 
Lately he has been attached to hip more so than usual. 
And I finally received my bracelet in the mail. Thank goodness. 
I thought THAT would never come.
Now I just need to find something pretty to wear it with. 
Mom has been heavy on my mind lately. Her birthday is two days away, Jan 31. She would have been 67.
I miss her so much. Some days it still doesn't seem real that she is not here. 
I picked up my phone the other day to just text her and ask her how she's been because it's been a while since we talked. Then I remembered that she won't be replying. 
I still haven't disconnected her line. 
I can't.
I just wish more than anything she would have had a voicemail set up.
It's odd to think just a year ago we were at the rodeo together and she was walking around and laughing fine.
She found a taco stand and enjoyed a taco there.
We had fun.
She sprinted through the cattle area. She hated the smell.
And now?
Now that is all just memories.
A moment in time forever gone.
What would have I done or said differently if I would have known just four short months later she would be dead?
I think I would have focused too much on my pain and how much I knew I would miss her that I wouldn't have made any memories with her. 
Maybe it's better that it happened the way it did. 
Who knows?
I know everyday is survived through prayer, asking for strength to make through the day. Pray to get through the hurt of missing her.
I know she was worried how I would make it without her.
She told me many times.
Often I want to lay in my bed and wallow in my mourning.
But I know she wouldn't want that. 
That is exactly what she wouldn't want.
So I don't do it.
Occasionally, though, I do break down.
I guess I just miss my mama.


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