Day 3...

For three days now we've known mom has cancer. My greatest fear, that my mom has something very seriously wrong with her, has come true. This time though it's not a bad dream I'm going to wake up from with a heavy pounding heart. It's a reality that follows all day and night with a heavy broken heart.

I spent the night with mom at the hospital last night. I was really looking forward to spending that one-on-one time with her. Stacy warned me that she snores alot. It wasn't bad at all. She did have one bad coughing/choking spell. She spit up some fresh blood then felt better and we slept until about 7:30 this morning.

I went downstairs and got us tacos for breakfast. I pulled my chair up to her bed and we had breakfast together. God is this real? I can't really be typing this. I just don't want this to be real. I just want my mommy to be mommy, healthy, making brownies mommy. Not sick with no energy in the bed mommy.

Anyway, I brushed her hair for her this morning and pulled it back in a clip. I'm glad she didn't see me crying. I don't want to think about a time when I won't be able to brush her hair. Her soft soft hair.

I also painted her toes and rubbed lotion on her feet.
And I was so thankful that I could do that.

We moved mom to a rehab hospital today. She was so nervous to leave the regular hospital. CC stayed with her tonight. I gave mom extra kisses. I don't want to pass up one opportunity to kiss her, hold her hand or tell her I love her.

The doctor said she won't get strong enough for treatment if she stays in the hospital on morphine. I agreed with him and told him I want her in the rehab as soon as possible so we can get the PET scan and know what we're dealing with.


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