Friday, March 28, 2014

Goings On

I love that Spring is here. I love the pastel colors, the cooler mornings and warmer evenings.
 I love hearing the birds sing, the squirrels play on my roof and mostly, I love seeing the flowers, shrubs, trees come to life.
I don't love the allergies.

I am somewhat of an olive oil snob. I've researched, experimented and failed in my quest to find the perfect olive oil. Not all olive oils are created equally, and if you believe they're all the same you are oh, so wrong.
I do favor Italian olive oils, naturally. But Greek and Tunisian olive oils are good too. I have been too big of a fan of Spanish olive oils.
But this olive oil, I found at my local grocery store. It was a bit more pricey than usual...but oh, my goodness.
It is delicious! 
I am in love. 
I am so much in love, in fact, that I feel I need to stock pile this stuff.
You see that dark color?
That's not the
that's the olive oil, unfiltered olive oil.
My dip had so much more flavor. My pasta coated so much better.
I am truly in love! 
I wanted to try out a new recipe, so I perused Teresa Guidici's cookbook and found a simple recipe, that I had all ingredients for, for baked chicken.
Basically you combine unflavored yogurt, milk and salt in one bowl and in the next bowl combine Panko crumbs and dry seasonings.
She detailed exactly which seasonings to use. I created my own.
I used garlic powder, onion power, Italian seasoning (naturally), dried basil, cilantro and chives and cheese. 
Then baked for about 10 minutes on one side, flipped and 15 mins on the other side.
It was so good!
And it was fast and my book that's A+! 
And since Spring is here, the girls and I decided we needed to make some cupcakes.

One thing that I have been spending a bit too much time on is watching beauty vloggers on You Tube. 
I see them recommend something, that is so great and so revolutionary and of course so very necessary. 
So what does April do? She runs out to purchase each item.
No bueno!
This is just the eye shadow I have amassed in the past few months.
Again, no bueno!
And truth be told, I only use the same two or three colors each day. I always hope that I will have the courage to try new colors and techniques but I am comfortable with what I know.
I have found some new items that are really good and have become part of my everyday routine. 
Two weeks ago we went to visit Quin. I never, ever imagined I would be visiting him here. 
Someone made a bench right by his grave and left a marker there. Now when people go to sit with him they leave their name and a message. It's a really beautiful way to remember the love and light he shed upon each one of us. It's also a great testimony of how suicide effects everyone, forever.
Quin had such life. His love was bigger than him. 
His smile could melt your heart, make angels sing.
I look at this and wonder how that grave is even big enough to hold him.
I remember his hearty, sweet laugh.
I'll never hear that laugh again. No one will ever have a laugh to match his, and I wouldn't want them to.
I see how his death has hurt my girls, my sisters, my nieces and nephews.
I wonder if Quin knew how much he was loved. Did he just want to scare his girlfriend? Does the girlfriend know a lot more than she's letting on? She says they weren't arguing, but why was there a broken tea pitcher in the other room? Why did she delete messages from Quin's facebook between him and the other guy she was seeing? How did Quin get a huge know over his left eye? Blood doesn't coagulate when you're dead. She's never, ever talked about it.
Did Quin even really do it? How does someone die when they can stand up?
Too many unanswered questions but one hard, cold, piercing matter what the answers to those questions are, Quin is still not here.
And because of that, none of us will ever be the whole.

I also stopped by to visit my dad and my favorite uncle. 
I really should bring them some fresh, new flowers. 

And while there I made my scars from my Charlie more permanent!
Every Spring I want to change up my mantle. 
I always want to put some cute, white, distressed birds and clear out a majority of the unnecessary things up there.
I've never done it, and honestly, probably won't this year either. But it would be nice for a change. 
My papa brought home some delicious caviar.
We used to eat this all the time. Not so much now.
The only Russian store that sold it here is pretty expensive, but his friend found a place to order it online.
Oh my word, it is delicious! 
My surgery date is set. I am extremely nervous. I have never had surgery in my life. Ever. 
This scares the crap out of me.
I can no longer sleep at night. The pain keeps me up. 
I get numbness and tingling in my left arm almost daily now.
It used to be only if I tried to do something, like sweep or wash dishes. Now I can get it at any time.
I get horrible migraines at work, looking down at my keyboard.
Driving hurts. I do it because I have to.
I know that this surgery will/is supposed to fix me.
But I am terrified.
This stupid injury has changed my entire life.
And I hate it.
But I am willing to do what it takes to be me again.
To be a mother to my daughters again and a wife to Emil.
They have suffered so much too through this.
It has really effected EVERY SINGLE aspect of our family, personal and intimate life.

At least I have a really cute snuggle buddy when I'm home in pain. 


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