That is exactly how I feel almost every, single day.
Ever since the horrendous landing my neck, back and shoulders hurt.
They hurt all the time...every minute of every day...
there is NEVER a day that goes by that I'm not hurting.
I've never had pain like this...and it's not just the neck cramps and spams,
or the numbness and tingling in my left arm and finger...
not the fact that I lose my strength in my last two fingers and things slip and drop from my hand...
it's not even the migraines that knock me off my feet...making me feel nauseated, weak and in too much pain to even cry...
though it is all of those things..
It's also my loss of independence.
I can't clean my house the way I used to.
I can take out the trash or tend to my roses.
I try to wash dishes or sweep and I end up in tears, cramps in my neck and the migraine that I am getting to know so well reappears.
I can't go to the grocery store alone.
I can't carry groceries in.
It hurts to drive most days.
It hurts to even brush my hair.
I wake up in pain and I go to bed hurting.
Sometimes the pain even wakes me up in the night.
I am sick of complaining that I am in pain all the time...
but it is the truth..I hurt.
All. The. Time.
It NEVER, EVER stops.
I hate this. I haven't been to the gym since the landing...I can't.
I'm always hurting. The pain wears me out.
We usually always take Luigi to the dog park..that hasn't happened.
I can't clean the litter box...honestly...if I could NOT hurt ONE day... I would be THRILLED to be able to clean the litter box!!
Spring is here and I can't go out and take pictures of wild flowers.
I can't go visit my family because I don't even want to think what driving 2 hours would do to me.
I found out yesterday that I have bulging discs in my neck.
Ah-ha... my doctor is recommending spinal injections.
Good lord, I am nervous and scared.
That just sounds scary but I am so damn sick and tired of hurting and living like this
I am willing to give anything a try.
I just want to be myself again.
I want to be able to do things the way I used to.
I want to be me.
I feel like that is something I will never feel again.
Will I ever experience this....?
There hasn't been much to blog about because, well, I can't DO anything.
CC got her drivers license...thank goodness.
That has been a HUGE blessing for me.
It has definitely helped me get around.
I HATE that I NEED her to take me to the grocery store.
I NEED her to drive, and reach things from the shelf...and put the items on the belt... and put the bags in the car...and carry them in the house...and put them up...
It's ridiculous..I am the mother.
And I'm only 34...it should NOT be this way.
I HATE that I NEED her to go.. I wish it was like it used to be and I could just WANT her to go with me.
Micah slipped out the other day, and in our trying to get him in, Charlie and Manzy slipped out too.
I did manage to get a couple of photos.
I loved this sky before the little storm blew in.
If anyone knows me, you know I love the cooler/colder weather.
And it was really cool for a few days...
that made my neck and shoulder and back hurt like hell.
I pray this is not how I will be the rest of my life.
That's no quality of life..it makes you dread waking up in the morning.
Ugh...anyway.. off of that...it consumes so much of my everyday life I don't want it to consume this blog as well.
I had to snap a picture of sweet Manzy (named after A&M's Johnny Manziel) sitting
in front of CC's salvia.
He just looked too cute.
And of course my handsome Prince Charlie.
I want to print this and put it on my desk at work.
My precious little boy will be 13 in a few months.
My knock out roses are doing beautiful!!
I managed to go out and take a couple of pictures.
Sadly my Peace Rose and Red Cutter Rose are full of black spot.
The only way to possibly save it is by removing all the foliage around it that may have the spores,
lay down new soil and treat the bushes with a mixture of baking soda, water and mild dish soap.
Well,...... because of my lovely neck situation...I can't do any of that!!
The most important part..removing the foliage...then laying the new soil...
ha! I'd end up in the ER if I tried to do that with my back.
I will be devastated if I lose my roses because of this stupid injury.
I try to be impartial to my roses..but the Peace rose was always my favorite.
I am enjoying my new position at work and LOVING the 8 hour days.
It's definitely helping me rest up more in the evenings.
I love spending more time with the girls..even if I am just on the couch propped up on pillows and full of medicine. I love that I can help Lena with her homework again and I have more time to do my homework too.
I just can't wait for football season to start. I am counting down the days to A&M's first game..August 31.
And it's crazy to say...but I am already starting to conjure up tailgate recipes..haha
I LOVE college football...
August can't get here soon enough!