Goings On

I love that Spring is here. I love the pastel colors, the cooler mornings and warmer evenings.

 I love hearing the birds sing, the squirrels play on my roof and mostly, I love seeing the flowers, shrubs, trees come to life.

I don't love the allergies.

*************************

I am somewhat of an olive oil snob. I've researched, experimented and failed in my quest to find the perfect olive oil. Not all olive oils are created equally, and if you believe they're all the same you are oh, so wrong.

I do favor Italian olive oils, naturally. But Greek and Tunisian olive oils are good too. I have been too big of a fan of Spanish olive oils.

But this olive oil, I found at my local grocery store. It was a bit more pricey than usual...but oh, my goodness.

It is delicious! 

I am in love. 

I am so much in love, in fact, that I feel I need to stock pile this stuff.

You see that dark color?

That's not the bottle...no...

that's the olive oil, unfiltered olive oil.

My dip had so much more flavor. My pasta coated so much better.

I am truly in love! 

\

I wanted to try out a new recipe, so I perused Teresa Guidici's cookbook and found a simple recipe, that I had all ingredients for, for baked chicken.

Basically you combine unflavored yogurt, milk and salt in one bowl and in the next bowl combine Panko crumbs and dry seasonings.

She detailed exactly which seasonings to use. I created my own.

I used garlic powder, onion power, Italian seasoning (naturally), dried basil, cilantro and chives and cheese. 

Then baked for about 10 minutes on one side, flipped and 15 mins on the other side.

It was so good!

And it was fast and easy..in my book that's A+! 

And since Spring is here, the girls and I decided we needed to make some cupcakes.

One thing that I have been spending a bit too much time on is watching beauty vloggers on You Tube. 

I see them recommend something, that is so great and so revolutionary and of course so very necessary. 

So what does April do? She runs out to purchase each item.

No bueno!

This is just the eye shadow I have amassed in the past few months.

Again, no bueno!

And truth be told, I only use the same two or three colors each day. I always hope that I will have the courage to try new colors and techniques but I am comfortable with what I know.

I have found some new items that are really good and have become part of my everyday routine. 

Two weeks ago we went to visit Quin. I never, ever imagined I would be visiting him here. 

Someone made a bench right by his grave and left a marker there. Now when people go to sit with him they leave their name and a message. It's a really beautiful way to remember the love and light he shed upon each one of us. It's also a great testimony of how suicide effects everyone, forever.

Quin had such life. His love was bigger than him. 

His smile could melt your heart, make angels sing.

I look at this and wonder how that grave is even big enough to hold him.

I remember his hearty, sweet laugh.
I'll never hear that laugh again. No one will ever have a laugh to match his, and I wouldn't want them to.

I see how his death has hurt my girls, my sisters, my nieces and nephews.

I wonder if Quin knew how much he was loved. Did he just want to scare his girlfriend? Does the girlfriend know a lot more than she's letting on? She says they weren't arguing, but why was there a broken tea pitcher in the other room? Why did she delete messages from Quin's facebook between him and the other guy she was seeing? How did Quin get a huge know over his left eye? Blood doesn't coagulate when you're dead. She's never, ever talked about it.

Did Quin even really do it? How does someone die when they can stand up?

Too many unanswered questions but one hard, cold, piercing reality...no matter what the answers to those questions are, Quin is still not here.

And because of that, none of us will ever be the whole.

I also stopped by to visit my dad and my favorite uncle. 

I really should bring them some fresh, new flowers. 

And while there I made my scars from my Charlie more permanent!

********************

Every Spring I want to change up my mantle. 

I always want to put some cute, white, distressed birds and clear out a majority of the unnecessary things up there.

I've never done it, and honestly, probably won't this year either. But it would be nice for a change. 

My papa brought home some delicious caviar.

We used to eat this all the time. Not so much now.

The only Russian store that sold it here is pretty expensive, but his friend found a place to order it online.

Oh my word, it is delicious! 

My surgery date is set. I am extremely nervous. I have never had surgery in my life. Ever. 

This scares the crap out of me.

I can no longer sleep at night. The pain keeps me up. 

I get numbness and tingling in my left arm almost daily now.

It used to be only if I tried to do something, like sweep or wash dishes. Now I can get it at any time.

I get horrible migraines at work, looking down at my keyboard.

Driving hurts. I do it because I have to.

I know that this surgery will/is supposed to fix me.

But I am terrified.

This stupid injury has changed my entire life.

And I hate it.

But I am willing to do what it takes to be me again.

To be a mother to my daughters again and a wife to Emil.

They have suffered so much too through this.

It has really effected EVERY SINGLE aspect of our family, personal and intimate life.

At least I have a really cute snuggle buddy when I'm home in pain. 

November 2013

November was quite a busy month. For me it was crunch time at school. Finals were beginning in full force and I had to make one last ditch effort to pass my two classes.

One assignment that needed completing was a trip to the San Antonio Museum of Art.

I love going to the museum. Thanks to my Archaeology class and my awesome instructor Veronica Pue I see everything in a different light.

The first portion we visited was the Egyptian exhibit.

Loved seeing the jewelry that has been recovered. 

Of course I enjoyed the Italian exhibition and sculptures. I hope one day to visit the museums in Rome and take all that in! For now, though, I'll make do with the bits of Rome and Italy exhibited in America. 

Part of my assignment was the Mayan and Aztec artifacts.

Here is the codex. 

This lady, in part of the Mexico arts section, was sculpted of wood.

The detail was amazing. She is unknown. 

Even her eyelashes were made of hair. 

The girls especially loved the contemporary pieces. 

This 3-D piece was one of my favorites! 

This knife was made of gold and encrusted with diamonds. 

The craftsmanship was just amazing! 

I loved the ancient Chinese vases. 

It's amazing that they are still paired and in such perfect condition! 

November had some very, very cold days.

I have to admit, I loved it! 

And I loved getting to wear my warm snuggly boots!

I picked my Charlie up.

He sits on my nightstand by my bed. 

I spent my Thanksgiving on the couch watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

I love the all male tap group. 

They were pretty awesome. 

I made my turkey casserole with the leftover turkey and stuffing. 

The weekend after Thanksgiving we went to visit my brothers and sisters.

My brother Jr made deer chili.

Oh my goodness...it was delicious! 

Luigi took advantage of the cold weather and spent alot of time on my bed! 

These two boys snuggled lots with me. 

Usually Micah plopped down first then Manziel followed. 

I decided to amp up my accessories and wear earrings again.

I'm not sure if chandelier earrings are in style or not, but I sure love my new purchases.

The girls and I went to see Thor, enjoyed Starbucks coffee, spent a little too much at Bath and Body Works and found a cute store, Charming Charlies. 

My word... I am obsessed! 

It's a really bad thing that we found it.

Work has been so busy. 

I may have even broken down and cried a time or two.

My neck/shoulder situation certainly helps none.

These past two months it has hurt more than ever. 

It seems nothing makes it stop.

Nothing.

I am getting really fed up with it!

I can't believe here it it...December 29...this year is almost over.

Time certainly did fly.

This has been one hard, stressful and sad year.

I really hope 2014 is much different!

Is This My Monthly Post?

I feel like this is me most of the time. 

My head just turns in circles after work and my short drive home sometimes isn't long enough to get out of adjuster mode and into home life mode. 

I absolute love my promotion at work. 

I love my new position.

I love my new team.

But it is alot of work. 

Some days are not bad at all....

and other days....

I pray for sanity to make it through each hour!

Then you get the funny ones....like the 65+ year old man who didn't have money to maintain auto insurance BUT let me know how lonely he's been for the past nine years and he sure will make a trip down here to see me because I sound like a nice woman....

....ummm... No Thank You!

So while I wish most days were like this..... 

they just aren't!

So what have we been up to? The last couple of weeks of October were very pleasant. The first few weeks of November as well. 

We took our boys out to get fresh air.

I will post a couple of pictures of my precious Charlie..... 

and Micah...who rarely goes out. He never wants to come back in! 

And he's scared of the wind and cars and loud sounds....

He probably still has flash backs of being abandoned in the dog park! 

I'm not posting much on Charlie because honestly, my heart just cannot handle it.

He passed away October 21, 2013.

My heart is still broken. I still ache for my baby boy. It hasn't stopped hurting and I still can't stop crying.

He was my love, my baby, my prince, my snuggle buddy, my heart, my son I never had.

Nights are still hard with out him. 

....CHANGE OF SUBJECT....

What else have we been doing?

CC has obviously been taking "selfies".

Lena's been catching up on Grim and Once Upon A Time.

I am enjoying my last few weeks of college football.

And yes, this IS my mantra!

I am pretty sure we watched Johnny Manziel's last game on Kyle Field. 

While I would LOVE nothing more than for him to return one more year, I really don't see that happening.

He is amazing!

He is a talent like we have never seen.

He plays with his heart...I hope that continues as he begins his NFL career!

And of course I have been scouting Aggie gear for the colder weather...

(like what blew in last night!)

Lena's been enjoying watching her Zach Mettenberger, the quarterback for the LSU Tigers.

They meet with A&M today

We are truly a house divided! 

And I even threw in a little NFL watching for good measure. 

I watch ONE Dallas Cowboy game and I end up with a double spider bite on my stomach. 

See....good things just don't happen when you watch the Cowboys play!

November 1 brought back Starbucks red cups!!!

I have certainly had a fair share!!

And the girls and I stocked up on supplies for home made Caramel Apple Cider. 

I made my first batch of Praline Apple Bread this year.

I've really been slacking in the baking department.

This has been a rough year.

The lack of posts, pictures and activities have certainly proved it! 

We girls have also been trying to get in nightly walks. 

There is nothing like ending a crazy, hectic day with a evening walk, breathing in fresh air and being silly with my girls. 

We make some of the best memories on our walks.

I also found this from when we went to Milberger's Autumn/Fall set up. She was spooky, off in a corner. 

I like her! 

.

**********************

I have made the switch from an iPhone to an Android. I'm getting used to it. Never thought I'd be an Android person. It's not SO bad I guess....if I could just learn how to use the darn thing!

**********************

My neck/back problem has not improved. Even after the cervical ablation. I did find some relief initially, aside from the fact that the area gets hot and feels burned, even to this day. My thumb twitches uncontrollably. I tried to buy groceries a couple of weeks ago...just simple things like cilantro, spinach, trout fillets, greens onions...little things like that. 

Just putting the items on the conveyor belt made the neck/shoulder area even worse. I drove home in tears and have been on muscle relaxers ever since. 

I cannot get a good nights sleep because I always hurt. There HAS to be some resolution to this.

People just can't live in pain like this all the time, can they?

I am so tired...tired of being tired, tired of hurting, tired of not being able to do things I used to be able to do, tired of telling my girls I can't do this or do that, or I don't feel like doing or going somewhere because I'm hurting again. These are the last months/years that they are going to still want to do things with me and I'm missing out on all of it. I hate that. You can NEVER get that time back.

I hate that this injury happened. 

I hate that I'm not me. 

My poor husband...I'm not even going there with what all he has had to put up with and without.

I just keep pushing forward...trying to make the best out of what I can do

and just keep praying they'll find some way to help me.