Long Time No Write.....

I cannot believe it has been exactly one month since I have blogged. 

There really is nothing to catch up on....alot of work, alot of sadness, alot of nothing.

A couple of weeks ago we had to go out of town for family reasons. We stopped at Buc-ee's, of course. I saw this camo popcorn...only in Texas!

 CC had fun taking pictures. We went there on a Wednesday evening and went back Thursday to get Lena, she had spent the night with  my sister. 

The moon was so big and bright that night. It was amazing!!

We tried to get a good photo, but all we had was my cell phone. I pulled over to snap a quick picture. 

My sister gave me a bag of my old school papers. I pulled out one stack and found this paper and sticker on it. Believe it or not, this stick still smells like pine trees almost over twenty years later.

I remember getting this sticker. I swear I do. I loved the smell back then and still love it now!

 Lena had been wanting to try the Glow-In-The-Dark Fairy Dust project we have been seeing on Pinterest.

Let's just say it didn't really look the way it does on the tutorial 

and

if you put it in the frig like it tells you too, you will totally mess it up!

But, the girls had fun making it and it was pretty to see the progress of glow in the dark spots 

all over my cabinets and kitchen floors. 

 Lena is so good at graphic art. She makes the cutest, prettiest, neatest things on the computer.

I always have her email them to me and then use them as screen savers on my phone. 

These are a few she made. 

 She made a really neat one today of a model and then transformed her lower face to a tiger muzzle. 

It was so neat...she is so talented!

Charlie has been braving Bella and coming up on my bed to snuggle with me.

I love having him sleep up there on my head at night. It feels so good!

 Bella is still a devil and tortures our cats, especially Toby.

She will lay in front of her food bowl AND block the way to my bedroom so the boys can't get by to the food bowl in my room. 

She keeps us on our feet. 

She really does rule the roost...

and I love her, it's like having a piece of Mom with me!

 Saturday the girls and I were going to walk to Mission Cafe and have tortilla soup. 

They were almost closed so we decided to talk a little longer walk to the new Mexican restaurant a little farther down. We had so much fun walking.

We threw rocks, trying to break them and see what they look like inside. 

My cousin Michael and I used to do that in front of our grandpa's house. 

Lena was the only one strong enough to actually break a rock. 

CC got smart and thought she could try to pick up this rock....

yeah!

 And this evening just for fun we walked up and around that area to get some fresh air and some exercise.

We totaled a bit over two miles and of course it turned windy as soon as

we entered our neighborhood gates!

 The sky was so pretty coming home. Of course all I had was my cell phone but that lighter blue was 

almost an electric blue...so, so pretty!

Today was a wonderfully perfect lazy day. I woke up early, read some news, dozed back off.

Then I made breakfast, drank some coffee and read 1/2 of my latest Redbook.

A real lazy day.

And boy, have I needed it!

Getting Things Done... :-(

Last Saturday the girls and I went to Mom's apartment to clear out what little stuff was left. 

Her smell was still there. I took it in, knowing I wouldn't get the chance to smell it much more.

I used to get so irritated with that smell and wash the clothes she gave me over and over so it wouldn't smell. I would give anything to have just one item that would keep that smell forever. 

I think this was one of the hardest parts for me. Mom had this wooden hanger on her bathroom wall. Her nightgowns and house coats always occupied most of the wooden knobs. But the second to last one held the girls toys from when they were small (or not so small) and would take long, play baths.

 I couldn't help but think.... the last time Mom scooped these toys up and put them in the red net bag, did she have any idea this would be the last time my girls would play with them? 

 And how about this little froggy? Mom loved frogs. They were everywhere.

It had to be the last toy she put in the bag.

 This was in Mom's kitchen cabinet. All her little handwritten notes

She was such a unique person. 

I really miss her.

I made a HUGE mistake by listening to her answering machine. 

There was a message on there from when she was in the hospital and she was calling me at her house to remind me to bring her something. 

Just hearing her say, "April, are you still there? It's Mom...."

I answered, "Yes, Mom, I'm still here."

I was still there.

She wasn't. And she never would be again.

One night when she was in the hospital she asked me if I thought she would ever go inside her apartment again. She said, "Who would have thought the day you brought me in for coughing up blood would be the last time I'd ever be in there." 

I told her she was wrong. We would be in there again together.

She was right. I was wrong.

The girls and I were hungry, and a bit depressed. 

Lena wanted to go to Le Madeleine for dinner.

Lena had Chicken Friand, I had the Spinach Pouchette.

 I chose the Potato Soup... it was sooo good!

 Lena picked out Tomato Basil soup. We ended up swapping soups...

Both were sooo delicious!

 And CC had a delicious salad... not sure where the picture went. I will have to try to find it and upload it later.

I love the decor in Le Madeleine. It's so homey. We would take Mom there often.

It was "our" little place.

 I bought myself a bottle of Chambord and some creme. I added Frangelico that I had gotten from Mom's house and made Nuts and Berries.

We went back to Mom's tonight. It really will be the last time. There was a note inside her apartment saying that they would be locking it and disposing of whatever is left. 

There is nothing left except empty boxes. 

It's sad to have that taken away from me. I wish I could afford to keep her apartment forever.

Just to have a place to go back and think of her...

Think of her sitting in her rocking chair, baking brownies, watching TV shows she had recorded and just knew we would like. Just sit there around her things, around the life she created there.

Just be there with my memories. Just be.

But I can't and it's probably better that way.

It feels almost like a layer of stress gone to have her apartment taken care of. 

But at the same time, it's really depressing and sad and hard.

Lately there have been alot of layers peeled. Some for the better even though it's going to make it so hard for us for a while. I know things will get better. They have to right?

I wish I had Mom here to talk to about it. I need her here to talk to about it and give me advice and words of encouragement. But I don't have that. I have to keep it all in and it's hard. 

I need her in all aspects of my life. For the big things, for the little things and everything in between.

I try to imagine things she would say to me. 

I try to do things the way she would want me to. 

I just really, really want my mama.

4th of July ~ 2012

Our 4th of July was very simple and low-key....

I picked up a half shift at work.....

                                                                         

Then we met George and Marie on the hill behind Luby's to 

watch the Sonterra's firework show....                     

CC took tons of pictures and video and completely maxed out my picture storage,

so I had to make a few collages and clear them out!

We came home and I went straight to bed because I had to go in

and work the next day.....

Yard Work...

Last year CC took on the daunting task of redoing the "landscaping" in our front yard. The flower bed in front of the house looked like this...



(you can see Emil starting in with the saw!)



It didn't matter what I did to those bushes, they just wouldn't die! So we chopped them down hoping that would do it.
It didn't work.



But, CC was able to shape them into something more pleasing to the eyes.



And she did have a little help...







She planted two Esperanza's and two salvia.















The Esperanza and salvia have really taken over. I'm going to have to take new pictures. The Esperanza alone is over 5 ft tall and the salvia at least two and a half feet wide.
The weed garden near the side walk was out of control with, well, weeds and a rotting rosemary bush that had been there since we bought the house.







We took that down too...



This one was hard on me. I didn't care to see those stupid bushes by the window gone but the rosemary, oh my rosemary hurt. I loved to rub it in my fingers when getting out of the car and walking to the house. It smelled so so good.
CC planted two Mexican Feather grasses there, some upright lantana and two really pretty cactus/aloe things.



We still have weeds there. Just not as bad. I'm trying to find a pretty ground cover to help take care of that problem. At one time a few years ago CC had a tomato plant growing there. It's just hard to get anything to really keep because just beneath the soil is a huge rock.
It's nice to finally get a chance to post this. CC filled up my phone with 4th of July fireworks pictures so I'm needing to delete pictures and make space.
I was remembering back Wednesday when I was in kindergarten. We had a play at school and were supposed to sing "Yanked Doodle Dandy". All my classmates were on stage singing and I was too scared/shy to do. I jumped off the stage and ran to my moms open arms and buried my head in her neck. Her loving arms squeezed me and she kissed my head. I was safe there. I would give anything to be safe there just one more time. I really miss my mom.

Copy Cats...

Found these on my phone...

Monkey see...


Monkey do...


And then..times two!


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