Playing Catch Up Again

With the one year anniversary of Mom's death coming so soon...gosh, I can't even believe I just typed that..it still seems so unreal...

I have been really sad...couple that with my neck and shoulder pain...

I've been one unhappy person.

I needed fresh air.

So I went to my happy place....

and took my babies with me.

There is nothing about this place that doesn't make me happy.

I love feeling the sun on my skin, hearing the water run over the rapids....

it soothes my soul. 

While it did nothing to ease the pain in my neck and shoulder,

it did calm the ache in my heart. 

My Papa Bear went to Oklahoma with his friend and on the way back he brought me a little present.

Anyone that knows me knows I LOVE Elvis!!!

He and his friend stopped at an antique store on the way home and he brought me two Elvis records and a framed picture.

Ahhhhh....he knows what makes my heart happy!

And I was just thinking how I would love to find a record player and buy some old records. 

When I was little Mom would always have something playing on her record player.

I love the clicks and pops on it.

We listed to Abracadabra and Leo Sayer probably thousands of times!

My red cutter rose gave me some beautiful blooms. 

I found an old glass jar and filled it with water for my roses.

My friend Pam came over and told me how pretty they were.

They went home with her. 

I've been enjoying more than I should of these....

my jeans aren't going to thank me later!! 

When did my baby get so big???

She's going to be a teenager next year.

Where did the time go??? 

And speaking of my baby....

she and CC have this obsession with me and Shaq.

They call him Shaq daddy.

She was snickering and giggling on her computer one evening

and this is what she created..... 

We also visited the Botanical Gardens.

I have always wanted to go. It was so beautiful!

There are just too many pictures for this post...it will need one of it's own.

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I did my first spinal injection.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, however, it didn't deliver the desired results.

 

Roses..and missing her

I was so upset when my roses developed Black Spot. The Red Cutter seems to be ok...

however, sadly, that doesn't seem to be the case for my favorite Peace Rose. 

I was super excited to see a few blooms on my Red Cutter rose bush...

and there are a few more buds too! 

My knockouts are doing great....thankfully they aren't effected by Black Spot!

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Today has just been a bad, funky day.

My neck and shoulder have hurt so bad...

My last two fingers on my left hand were giving out. I couldn't even hold my coffee mug.

and it made typing at work pretty difficult!

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I did something I swore I wouldn't do yet. 

I looked at my posts from one year ago...when everything with Mom was happening.

One year ago she was diagnosed with another blood clot and her blood levels were very low.

I read about how she was remembering things she used to do with the girls,

and how she would go walk at the mall every morning. 

She always wanted me to join her and I never made the time.

I would give anything to just have one morning with her to walk the mall and do that.

I may have had a Mama Meltdown.

Then Emil reminded me...tomorrow is the 18th.

It'll be eleven months since she left us.

Eleven months since I've heard her voice, felt her touch.

Eleven months since I've had a mother.

Eleven long months without my best friend.

It's been rough.

I always have my radio on in my car to Sirius channel 19...all Elvis.

This song came on and it just reminded me so much of her.

Because it's true...I do look for anything that's a part of her.

It's a Real Pain in the Neck

That is exactly how I feel almost every, single day.

Ever since the horrendous landing my neck, back and shoulders hurt. 

They hurt all the time...every minute of every day...

there is NEVER a day that goes by that I'm not hurting.

I've never had pain like this...and it's not just the neck cramps and spams,

or the numbness and tingling in my left arm and finger...

not the fact that I lose my strength in my last two fingers and things slip and drop from  my hand...

it's not even the migraines that knock me off my feet...making me feel nauseated, weak and in too much pain to even cry...

though it is all of those things..

It's also my loss of independence. 

I can't clean my house the way I used to.

I can take out the trash or tend to my roses.

I try to wash dishes or sweep and I end up in tears, cramps in my neck and the migraine that I am getting to know so well reappears.

I can't go to the grocery store alone.

I can't carry groceries in. 

It hurts to drive most days.

It hurts to even brush my hair.

I wake up in pain and I go to bed hurting.

Sometimes the pain even wakes me up in the night.

I am sick of complaining that I am in pain all the time...

but it is the truth..I hurt.

All. The. Time.

It NEVER, EVER stops.

I hate this. I haven't been to the gym since the landing...I can't.

I'm always hurting. The pain wears me out. 

We usually always take Luigi to the dog park..that hasn't happened. 

I can't clean the litter box...honestly...if I could NOT hurt ONE day... I would be THRILLED to be able to clean the litter box!!

Spring is here and I can't go out and take pictures of wild flowers.

I can't go visit my family because I don't even want to think what driving 2 hours would do to me.

I found out yesterday that I have bulging discs in my neck. 

Ah-ha... my doctor is recommending spinal injections.

Good lord, I am nervous and scared. 

That just sounds scary but I am so damn sick and tired of hurting and living like this

I am willing to give anything a try. 

I just want to be myself again. 

I want to be able to do things the way I used to.

I want to be me. 

I feel like that is something I will never feel again.

Will I ever experience this....? 

There hasn't been much to blog about because, well, I can't DO anything.

CC got her drivers license...thank goodness.

That has been a HUGE blessing for me. 

It has definitely helped me get around. 

I HATE that I NEED her to take me to the grocery store.

I NEED her to drive, and reach things from the shelf...and put the items on the belt... and put the bags in the car...and carry them in the house...and put them up...

It's ridiculous..I am the mother.

And I'm only 34...it should NOT be this way. 

I HATE that I NEED her to go.. I wish it was like it used to be and I could just WANT her to go with me.

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Micah slipped out the other day, and in our trying to get him in, Charlie and Manzy slipped out too.

I did manage to get a couple of photos.

I loved this sky before the little storm blew in.

If anyone knows me, you know I love the cooler/colder weather.

And it was really cool for a few days... 

HOWEVER....

that made my neck and shoulder and back hurt like hell. 

I pray this is not how I will be the rest of my life. 

That's no quality of life..it makes you dread waking up in the morning.

Ugh...anyway.. off of that...it consumes so much of my everyday life I don't want it to consume this blog as well.

I had to snap a picture of sweet Manzy (named after A&M's Johnny Manziel) sitting

in front of CC's salvia.

He just looked too cute. 

And of course my handsome Prince Charlie.

I want to print this and put it on my desk at work. 

My precious little boy will be 13 in a few months. 

My knock out roses are doing beautiful!!

I managed to go out and take a couple of pictures. 

Sadly my Peace Rose and Red Cutter Rose are full of black spot. 

The only way to possibly save it is by removing all the foliage around it that may have the spores,

lay down new soil and treat the bushes with a mixture of baking soda, water and mild dish soap.

Well,...... because of my lovely neck situation...I can't do any of that!!

The most important part..removing the foliage...then laying the new soil...

ha! I'd end up in the ER if I tried to do that with my back.

I will be devastated if I lose my roses because of this stupid injury.

I try to be impartial to my roses..but the Peace rose was always my favorite.

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I am enjoying my new position at work and LOVING the 8 hour days. 

It's definitely helping me rest up more in the evenings.

I love spending more time with the girls..even if I am just on the couch propped up on pillows and full of medicine. I love that I can help Lena with her homework again and I have more time to do my homework too.

I just can't wait for football season to start. I am counting down the days to A&M's first game..August 31.

And it's crazy to say...but I am already starting to conjure up tailgate recipes..haha

I LOVE college football...

August can't get here soon enough!

Picture Dump....

Why is it so hard to find time to blog?

After getting home from work, it's late...we eat, I try to spend

some time with Emil and the girls.

Before I know it, it's after midnight...

and I have to get to bed, only to wake up,

get Emil ready for work,

get myself ready for work...

and back to the office I go.

I need a vacation!

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Micah's eye started looking watery...

then dripping and swollen....

So we took him to the vet....

Too much money and eye lubricant later he is all ok... 

 The girls and I went to Nightmare on Grayson for the last time ever.

They are closing their doors this year.

Our tradition is over. 

It was bittersweet. 

We tried to take in every moment of it.

We are still in our Aggie gear! 

Speaking of the Aggies,

we've been enjoying watching Manziel do his thing

along with Swope, Malena and Evans every Saturday.

Even Micah enjoyed watching the Aggies whoop

Mississippi State Bulldogs! 

Our next favorite.... Alabama's Crimson Tide

has been doing exceptionally well.

I admit, I might have shed a few tears with McCarron

when they made the winning touchdown against

LSU...or as Lena says...

LSBoooooo!

CC even made a red velvet cake to cheer

on our teams!! 

Lena made me this super cute and fall perfect

background for work.

I love all beautiful creations she comes up with! 

It is November,

but Texas weather doesn't know it yet.

In fact, we're still wearing sandals and on most days

shorts! 

My roses are still blooming.

I did lose my white Kennedy rose this year.

I haven't decided what I putting in it's spot.

But my knockout, Peace and Cutter roses are doing great!! 

We've also enjoyed taking photos of the moon.

The moon is so beautiful this time of year. 

I finally found the man in the moon (not on this picture)

and Lena found a rabbit. 

And we've been taking nightly walks...

mostly to capture images of the moon!

But the weather has been cool enough at night

that you don't almost get a heat stroke being out in it! 

Yesterday I took the girls to the park.

I've had a few days off from work, so I've been catching up homework, housework

DVR'd shows and resting.

I also had a very important test done earlier this week.

We are hoping for a good outcome. I'll find out more in a week when the results roll in.

The girls and I stay up watching the election.

It was sooooo fun!

Nail biting at times.

Then we stayed up for Romney's speech.

I recorded our President's speech.

Couldn't stay up that late!!

HA! Now I KNOW I'm getting old.

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There's been this cute, young, little orange and white kitty hanging around the house.

We tried to let him in because it was cold out and he was hungry,

but he was too aggressive w/ our other cats, so we put him back out

with an old dirty towel, bowl of water and food.

Now he hangs around all the time and we

have to dash in and out of the house.

I feel sorry for the little guy!

Pink Saturday - Blooms

We have had rain the past couple of days and my roses have really enjoyed it! I hadn't planned on linking up to Pink Saturday, but after seeing my blooms, I thought this might be the last time I can link my roses up this year!

My Peace Rose is my most favorite rose in my garden. When Papa Bear and CC went to pick out my roses, CC chose the Peace and I'm so glad she did!

I woke up yesterday morning to go take some pictures of my babies and didn't realize it was drizzling a bit. A little rain didn't stop me. I went straight out with my camera and I think the pictures came out beautiful!

My red cutter rose even gave me some blooms.....

I have some knockout blooms and I'm waiting on my white Kennedy roses to bloom.

Yesterday the girls took Charlie out side for fresh air and snapped some pics....

My most handsome, beautiful little boy......

~~~CC~~~

CC and her "brother"

And my Lena...CC said it was a fight trying to get this picture of her. I guess I've taken too many pictures, Lena runs the opposite way when she sees my camera coming out!

This has been a perfect, lazy rainy day. We are still in pj's. We stayed up late last night watching Lifetime's Russian Dolls. I LOVE this show. I'm hoping they renew for a second season. It's just so funny to watch the Russians there having the same drama as the Russian's here. LOVE THIS SHOW!! If you're interested you can watch the whole first season here.

And....don't forget to check out Beverly's beautiful blog for more pinkness!!