Roses..and missing her

I was so upset when my roses developed Black Spot. The Red Cutter seems to be ok...

however, sadly, that doesn't seem to be the case for my favorite Peace Rose. 

I was super excited to see a few blooms on my Red Cutter rose bush...

and there are a few more buds too! 

My knockouts are doing great....thankfully they aren't effected by Black Spot!

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Today has just been a bad, funky day.

My neck and shoulder have hurt so bad...

My last two fingers on my left hand were giving out. I couldn't even hold my coffee mug.

and it made typing at work pretty difficult!

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I did something I swore I wouldn't do yet. 

I looked at my posts from one year ago...when everything with Mom was happening.

One year ago she was diagnosed with another blood clot and her blood levels were very low.

I read about how she was remembering things she used to do with the girls,

and how she would go walk at the mall every morning. 

She always wanted me to join her and I never made the time.

I would give anything to just have one morning with her to walk the mall and do that.

I may have had a Mama Meltdown.

Then Emil reminded me...tomorrow is the 18th.

It'll be eleven months since she left us.

Eleven months since I've heard her voice, felt her touch.

Eleven months since I've had a mother.

Eleven long months without my best friend.

It's been rough.

I always have my radio on in my car to Sirius channel 19...all Elvis.

This song came on and it just reminded me so much of her.

Because it's true...I do look for anything that's a part of her.

Spring....

is definitely here... 

Wildflowers are blooming, birds are singing,

and my allergies are killing me!

So I sat down and thought about what I love most about spring...

I love the smell...

all the freshness and cleanness of a new season..

light and airy with just a hint of sweet..

a little like Saks Fifth Avenue En Rose...

the PERFECT spring spray...

and it's full of roses...can it get better?

though is has amber, musk and sandalwood..the floral notes make it just right. 

and because of my obsession with aprons, I fell completely in love with

Anthropologie's Angel Food Cake Apron.

How perfect is this for making spring salads??

It's almost too pretty to use! 

I love the crochet detail at the top and the bunching at the waist.

Who knew aprons could be that pretty!

and just because it's spring, I thought this cake was so appropriate!

I can only imagine it must taste as good as it looks!

The little birdies are the perfect compliment! 

Since my nails are natural, no acrylics or gels,

I've been playing around with color and changing up my nails weekly.

I'm sure before Spring is over, each color below will color my nails! 

Next to my roses, tulips are my favorite flower. 

They are delicate, beautiful and so indicative of spring! 

I found this image on Pinterest and fell in love with the soft, spring pastels!

And I love a spring drink.

It's just to fun to have a change from your typical soda or my favorite...sweet tea!

This Pineapple Punch sounds just dreamy!! 

I love Pink Lemonade...so light and sweet and just all around perfect! 

then I found a recipe for a Pink Lemonade Margarita...

Ha! Just when you thought it couldn't get better!

and this may not sound spring-y...but a coffee float...

that's good no matter the season!

who could turn that down??  

I found a new bud on my Red Cut Rose bush...

a few little baby bunches of grapes...

now I just need to keep the insects away!

It's a Real Pain in the Neck

That is exactly how I feel almost every, single day.

Ever since the horrendous landing my neck, back and shoulders hurt. 

They hurt all the time...every minute of every day...

there is NEVER a day that goes by that I'm not hurting.

I've never had pain like this...and it's not just the neck cramps and spams,

or the numbness and tingling in my left arm and finger...

not the fact that I lose my strength in my last two fingers and things slip and drop from  my hand...

it's not even the migraines that knock me off my feet...making me feel nauseated, weak and in too much pain to even cry...

though it is all of those things..

It's also my loss of independence. 

I can't clean my house the way I used to.

I can take out the trash or tend to my roses.

I try to wash dishes or sweep and I end up in tears, cramps in my neck and the migraine that I am getting to know so well reappears.

I can't go to the grocery store alone.

I can't carry groceries in. 

It hurts to drive most days.

It hurts to even brush my hair.

I wake up in pain and I go to bed hurting.

Sometimes the pain even wakes me up in the night.

I am sick of complaining that I am in pain all the time...

but it is the truth..I hurt.

All. The. Time.

It NEVER, EVER stops.

I hate this. I haven't been to the gym since the landing...I can't.

I'm always hurting. The pain wears me out. 

We usually always take Luigi to the dog park..that hasn't happened. 

I can't clean the litter box...honestly...if I could NOT hurt ONE day... I would be THRILLED to be able to clean the litter box!!

Spring is here and I can't go out and take pictures of wild flowers.

I can't go visit my family because I don't even want to think what driving 2 hours would do to me.

I found out yesterday that I have bulging discs in my neck. 

Ah-ha... my doctor is recommending spinal injections.

Good lord, I am nervous and scared. 

That just sounds scary but I am so damn sick and tired of hurting and living like this

I am willing to give anything a try. 

I just want to be myself again. 

I want to be able to do things the way I used to.

I want to be me. 

I feel like that is something I will never feel again.

Will I ever experience this....? 

There hasn't been much to blog about because, well, I can't DO anything.

CC got her drivers license...thank goodness.

That has been a HUGE blessing for me. 

It has definitely helped me get around. 

I HATE that I NEED her to take me to the grocery store.

I NEED her to drive, and reach things from the shelf...and put the items on the belt... and put the bags in the car...and carry them in the house...and put them up...

It's ridiculous..I am the mother.

And I'm only 34...it should NOT be this way. 

I HATE that I NEED her to go.. I wish it was like it used to be and I could just WANT her to go with me.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Micah slipped out the other day, and in our trying to get him in, Charlie and Manzy slipped out too.

I did manage to get a couple of photos.

I loved this sky before the little storm blew in.

If anyone knows me, you know I love the cooler/colder weather.

And it was really cool for a few days... 

HOWEVER....

that made my neck and shoulder and back hurt like hell. 

I pray this is not how I will be the rest of my life. 

That's no quality of life..it makes you dread waking up in the morning.

Ugh...anyway.. off of that...it consumes so much of my everyday life I don't want it to consume this blog as well.

I had to snap a picture of sweet Manzy (named after A&M's Johnny Manziel) sitting

in front of CC's salvia.

He just looked too cute. 

And of course my handsome Prince Charlie.

I want to print this and put it on my desk at work. 

My precious little boy will be 13 in a few months. 

My knock out roses are doing beautiful!!

I managed to go out and take a couple of pictures. 

Sadly my Peace Rose and Red Cutter Rose are full of black spot. 

The only way to possibly save it is by removing all the foliage around it that may have the spores,

lay down new soil and treat the bushes with a mixture of baking soda, water and mild dish soap.

Well,...... because of my lovely neck situation...I can't do any of that!!

The most important part..removing the foliage...then laying the new soil...

ha! I'd end up in the ER if I tried to do that with my back.

I will be devastated if I lose my roses because of this stupid injury.

I try to be impartial to my roses..but the Peace rose was always my favorite.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

I am enjoying my new position at work and LOVING the 8 hour days. 

It's definitely helping me rest up more in the evenings.

I love spending more time with the girls..even if I am just on the couch propped up on pillows and full of medicine. I love that I can help Lena with her homework again and I have more time to do my homework too.

I just can't wait for football season to start. I am counting down the days to A&M's first game..August 31.

And it's crazy to say...but I am already starting to conjure up tailgate recipes..haha

I LOVE college football...

August can't get here soon enough!

Easy Pizza Roll Recipe

My sister posted Pizza Rolls that she made on Facebook. They looked sooooo good, so I decided to try it as well.
All you need are a few ingredients...
*canned biscuits
*pepperoni
*block cheese
*italian seasoning
*garlic powder
*parmesan cheese
* 1 egg
1.) First flatten each biscuit into a circle. We used the large biscuits, but you can also use the small ones.
2.) Place 3-4 slices of pepperoni into each flattened biscuit.




3.) Cut a slice of the block cheese and place on top of pepperoni. We used Colby Jack cheese.




4.) Top with 3-4 more slices of pepperoni and fold biscuit sides over to seal.




5.) Once all biscuits are filled and rolled, brush the tops with a beaten egg.




6.) Once all pieces have been brushed with the egg, sprinkle Parmesan cheese, garlic powder and Italian seasoning on top.




7.) Bake according to package instructions.




These pizza rolls couldn't be easier to make.




And again, they are so versatile...you could add olives, onions or go with spinach, chicken and a white cheese instead. There are so many ways you could make these.




The pizza rolls were a hit with my family. I'm sure we'll be making many, many more!
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