Days 15-23

My posts are becoming farther and farther in between. I think because sitting down and typing this out is just so hard. It brings up so many feelings.
I know what we are dealing with. I know the odds aren't good. I know what's ahead...and it's not pretty.

Last Saturday I spent most of the day with mom. I brushed her hair. I love brushing her hair. It's so special to me. I feel a connection, a bond, that I'm giving back to her for all she's done for me. I love feeling her hair in my hands.

Sunday I let her stay alone some of the day so she could get some rest. She coughed alot Saturday and was tired out from the hard night Friday.

I brought CC back to the hospital to stay with mom because I had to go to work the next morning. CC texted me in the morning and said she woke up in the middle of the night and nanny and the whole bed were gone. I finally got on touch with Mom. She said she got up to use the potty in the middle of the night and then could not breathe. At all. A whole team, the respiratory therapists, techs and nurses ran in there to get her breathing. They took her down to do scans and x-rays and hooked her up to a full face oxygen mask at the absolute highest level.

Monday I received a phone call around 3pm looking for permission to do an emergency procedure that would place a filter under her heart via a placed tube in her artery from her right groin. The nurse told me the whole team was assembled downstairs in the emergency room and we had no other choice, the found another blood clot in her right leg. That evening Moms oncologist came in and told us that they now believe the aggressive cancer has spread to her lungs and unless she eats and can breathe on her own, she can't start treatment. With out treatment she won't make it.

Tuesday was one of our hardest days yet. Just letting that all sink in was hard. I left work early. I just needed to be with Mom. Stacy, Lisa, Ashley were all there too. A doctor from the hospital came in Tuesday and told us they have about run out of options. They have tried all the medicines they have and unless some huge turnaround happens, things won't get any better for us.

Then Wednesday something did happen. She woke up and felt better. She stated eating. Even asked for fried oysters, which we happily bought for her.

She's been doing great everyday. This morning she and I walked from her bed to the curtain, then we sat in our chairs pulled up beside each other and watched the news. She got up and walked to the window a couple of times.

Then the coughing started. She asked the respiratory doctor why she has this constant cough and he said because of the nodules on her lung. First they were telling us it might be cancer, then it was shadows and definitely pneumonia and now nodules.

Whatever it is, she's off of IV antibiotics and morphine. Mom will be reevaluated tomorrow to see if she's ready to come home.
I just want her here to get her strong and start treatment. I just want my Mom better.
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